These Words given by A Father Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider inability to open up between men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to request a break - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."